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Friday, 16 January 2015

The Reason She's a Slut by Laura Jane Williams

A reflection on Laura Jane Williams piece from Thought Catalog. On Slut Shaming and why it's not okay.
Source

Sex. It's a topic that will prick up one's ears. It'll grab your attention, for one reason or another.

If you read this blog, you'll know who Laura is. My friend, she's part of my tribe: the place she holds in my heart is huge. She's writing for Thought Catalog at the moment, with similar topics she covers on her blog. And this week, she wrote about being a slut.

You can read the article here - where she tells her story in a condensed version. Of how a boy broke her heart and how she was the only one left to pick up the pieces. Because that's how it works. You're together and then? You're alone.

And yeah, you have your friends and your family - but we all know that's not the same. Let's not pretend.

Having our heart broken, it's not something we can ever be prepared for. And there is absolutely no right way of coming back from the dark road it leads you down. We all do it differently, we cope, the best we can and we make mistakes - but most of all? We learn.

About who we're going to be and who we're not.

Most of us aren't born loving ourselves inside and out, it's something we earn for ourselves. Self respect and self worth is built on us learning how to get there - and being brave enough to say: 'this is how I did it'. No matter the journey we took. No-one said it was easy and no-one said how to do it. This all takes courage.

Being newly single, I'm finding it hard to find my feet. I'll wake up one day feeling on top of the world and the next I'll be crying myself to sleep. And it's for this exact reason, that people like Laura make times like these a little easier to bear.

I mean, the thought of being my true self with another man, the way I was with him? It makes me shudder. And when Laura says:

'She’s a slut because she needs to feel wanted. Desired. Sexual. She needs to remind herself that she can. That there are other men out there. But she doesn’t want you to love her. To call. To treat her with any semblance of respect. She doesn’t respect herself because how can she? What is she worth, when the one she gave it all to left so easily, and for somebody else?'

I understand.

I haven't been down that road. I haven't let myself fall, and I'm not talking about being in love. I've been stood on the edge of a cliff for months, second guessing myself. Am I attractive to other people? Am I worth their time? Let alone a space in their bed for the night. I manifest my insecurities in other ways, that I'll work out eventually, too.

We slut shame, but what for?

Everyone's story is different. And labeling a woman a slut for choosing to find herself through having sex that isn't about being in love feels so close minded to me.

We have our journey's, we choose our paths and that's the beauty of it all.

Sometimes it takes a while to realise that it's only us who can save ourselves from what we believe to be true.

When you thought you had everything and it turned out to be something completely different - it crushes you, cripples your ability to love openly and freely. Why should you let someone in, show them the real you, when your only memory is pain from how tragically it ended. That takes time.

Laura's piece has caused a heap of controversy - for obvious reasons. Some of the comments are so cruel. But I hope what most people take from it is that this is one journey, not everyone's. It's this path that's made Laura who she is right now - a woman with more self-worth, confidence and fire for life than I see in most people. She took her path, she got from it what she needed to heal and she learned from it.

You're quick to call a woman a slut. Because you think you know.

But really, you don't know much, until you know the story.

20 comments:

Chantelle Nelson said...

Hear hear Meg. Loved this <3

Vanessa Nunn said...

Absolutely loved this, such an honest post! I hope you feel better and are back on your feet again shortly! <3 xx

nessiehere.blogspot.co.uk

Sarah Nunn said...

Spot on Meg. xx

Dannielle said...

I absolutely loved this post - and Laura's. It should be compulsory reading for every girl. Far too many people get called 'sluts', and far too easily. Anyway, who actually cares as long as it's not with your boyfriend/husband/partner?!

Dannielle xx | Delightfully Indulgent

Abbie Osborn said...

Many people slut shame because they personally couldn't see themselves acting like that but who are we to judge? We don't know anyone's story and why should how someone else chooses to live effect us so much? A spot on post x

Abbie|Thoughtsandthunder

Tiana Esparon said...

I love this post, I hate slut shaming and it's horrible that women can't be free to do what they want with out being scrutinised.
Www.tianaesparon.blogspot.co.uk
Tiana x

Charlotte Rumsby said...

Loved this, Im recently single too after a really crap experience and I completely understand where youre coming from. It isnt worth your time being upset, Im not saying dont think about it but youre gorgeous and will come away smiling, i promise.

styleaked - Rayban giveaway

Becky Bedbug said...

I'd LOVE to write about the whole "slut" thing but my grandma reads my blog and it might reveal too much about her grandaughter haha!

Tessa said...

This was such a beautifully honest post, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Slut shaming is one of the worst manifestations of misogyny in our society and I cringe at the thought of young women not wanting to enjoy sex due to the fear of being labeled a slut.

Tessa at Bramble & Thorn

Georgia Nicolaou said...

Wow, what a great and honest post. I really hate the word slut, it shouldn't even exist.

Often I wonder what's the point in entering a relationship and opening yourself for someone else, when chances are it will end up with a heartbreak...

I'm going to read Laura's article now.

Beauty Inside Art

Rhiannon Pulling said...

Brilliant post! There's not enough people talking about this nowadays. I've personally never been through a massive heartbreak, but I can totally understand where Laura is coming from about the desire to be loved x

EverythingButTheKitchenSink

Jessica Edmunds said...

Incredibly moving post, glad you shared this and said what other people can't.

Amanda Winchester said...

Loved this. I just went through a breakup. Dealing with my heartbreak has been one of the toughest things of my whole life. www.amandasays.org.uk

* Helen * said...

Fantastic post and great read, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! <3

* Electric Sunrise - Fashion and Lifestyle Blog *

x

The Film Graduate said...

Love this. Love you. Love Laura.

Beka Louise said...

Honest posts are always my favourite kind!

Beka. xo
littleworldofbeka.blogspot.co.uk

Louisa Mary said...

I know how it feels and that dark path after a break up, it really is horrendous! & I know what you mean about not being able to be your true self around anyone like you were with them, not nice at all. & like the above comment, I think naturally as humans we are all quick to judge, interesting post :) xx

Maisy Meow said...

This is so true - perfectly worded. Loved Laura's post on it too xxx

Maisy Meow | Fashion and Beauty Blog

Josie May Copson said...

Slut shaming is something so outdated. Lovely, honest blog post.

josie-mayx.blogspot.co.uk

Lauren Maria said...

Absolutely love this piece chick :)

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