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Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Haters Gonna Hate

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 Let the haters hate. That’s something I’ve been hearing a lot of lately.

But why? Why is the general consensus that we should be silent when personally targeted by ‘trolls’ on the internet?

So you’re a blogger or a vlogger or a writer, or anything that’s possible to exist as an online profile with personality. When you sign up for exposure on the internet, no matter how large or small your social following you are opening yourself up for all to see and granted – they aint all gonna love you honey, that’s for certain.

I focus on the lovers a lot – you know, the ones who make everything wonderful and support you. Because honestly my blog makes my life better, it makes me better and I’m always thankful for that; regardless of how many people are lovely, each comment, like, favourite is a spoonful of sunshine in my life.

But one thing I won’t be sorry for is speaking out when haters (gonna) hate. Recently I’ve experienced a fair amount of negativity towards my blog and YouTube channel.

I wear too much makeup

I’m so ugly without makeup

I’m trying to be like Zoella

I’m lying that I have anxiety to get more blog hits

I’m fake

I’m the most boring person on the internet

I talk too much

I don’t have an original bone in my body

My voice is annoying

My acne is repulsive

The list goes on and whilst they’re not the worst comments in the world, really, truly they hurt. But I won't justify why that's a load of tosh, it goes without saying that I don't need to prove myself to you.

A lot of effort goes in to my blog and YouTube and I totally welcome constructive criticism and the fact that everyone has an opinion (I WANT TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF!) – but when did it become okay, acceptable even, to be such a nasty person and just get away with it because, well, that’s life? That is wrong on so many levels and is the reason why so many people are afraid to take chances in life; because there are vile, insecure humans hiding behind a computer, bringing others down.

Of course, I don’t mean that wallowing in self pity is the best way to tackle it, but I do believe that currently, if we do speak out, all we are faced with is: ‘Just shrug it off, you’re better than that’.

Well I think everyone knows that deep down, you can’t just shrug it off – it’s not possible, we are humans. Each nasty jab, be it fleeting or totally personal takes an inch of the confidence you’ve grown and it’s near on impossible to ‘ignore’.

What we should be doing is feeding off the negative. If you’ve got someone’s attention, good or bad, you’re probably doing something right.

But be mad, sad, get angry, tell people about it – just because you’re not pooping rainbows every second of the day doesn’t mean you’re an attention seeker. It’s okay to show you’re hurting sometimes and I’m sorry but I will just never believe that putting on a brave face is the best way to fight it.

I suppose the more popular you become on the internet equals an ability to ignore/not acknowledge the ‘hate’, on some level, because it would probably become mentally exhausting to keep taking notice. But for people like me, I just can’t let it be and I don’t feel I should have to.

I know that acknowledging it means we’re giving those people what they ‘want’, but what happens by just bottling it up? Someone who is sad and slowly becoming less confident and not willing to try? That doesn’t sound much fun at all.

Or should we speak out and have the support of others and reaffirm that it’s NOT OKAY? There needs to be a platform for victims to come out and speak their mind, feel they have a support that isn’t just liking their latest video or commenting on their latest blog post. We are human, we love, we bleed, we laugh, we cry, we need others.

I don’t know how we get there, but I’m making it an objective for this year, to try and change the lax and quite frankly, frightening approach to online bullying – even if it’s simply finding and directing people to something that already exists as a support network.

We may not be able to control those bullies rearing their ugly heads, but together we can change the way we deal with it.
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Lindsay Frances said...

I love this post Meg! Online bullying is just awful lately - don't let it get you down though! The number of people that love you and what you do will always out weigh the negativity! <3

Lindsay Frances

Zoe Newlove said...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! :) xxxxxxx

Sally | Queenie and the Dew blog said...

Well said Meg! I stumbled upon one of those troll sites a while back (get off my internet I think?) and I couldn't believe people were treating being spiteful as a hobby. All I can say is this: happy people don't say/write things like that. I feel sorry for them. Keep doing what you do so brilliantly :)

Emily Possnett said...

I agree with everything you have said, I will never understand how it is possible to 'shrug it off', it builds up and just makes you feel worse.
It seems crazy that there are people out there that intentionally set out to make others feel bad about themselves, who gave them that right?
I also agree with you on, good or bad attention means your doing something right, why else would these people be so interested, and so persistent? As they say, you should take it as a compliment, although I'm not sure how that would ever be possible.

If only more people were happy to point out that behaving in such away is not ok.

Continue as you are, grow, improve, be happy and let these people live with their insecurities, maybe someone you set up a place where they can work their issues out - it seems they have more than those on the receiving end.

Emily x

Hannah said...

I think it's great that you're actively taking a stand against any hurtful comments you and other people receive. More people should be doing it as it is becoming more and more of a problem. It's not necessarily giving people what they 'want' - they want you to react in a negative way but turning it into a positive and spinning it on it's head is better than letting any of it get you down. Huge respect for you Meg and let us know if we can get on board with your objective xx

stp littleletters said...

Hi, I regularly read your posts and find them all not only informative but well just a jolly good old read. I've recently started dipping my toe in to the world of blogging so haven't come across this horrible bullying 'trend' first hand but I have been bullied in the past and its virtually impossible to ignore. Hats off to you if you can but I'm with you on this one - why should you! I think it's time to call these sad idiots out. Re-tweet the heck out of their names and see what happens or acknowledge them by name/username directly in your lovely little blog, after all they've felt the need to call you out on what they perceive to be your faults, a dose of their own medicine may do the trick for some of them. There will always be people who disagree with your opinions but to comment on such personal things is really quite staggering to me. To go to the effort of getting in touch to be nasty and to imply that you're making certain things up is just laughable really - they must lead very dull and unfulfilled lives don't you think. I'm guessing - although I obviously don't know you at all - that you're not posting this (or your other 'life' type posts) just to get positive affirmation all the time but I think you're beautiful and you come across as having a kind heart. It's easy to say don't let it get to you but I know that's much much more difficult to do. Keep posting about your experiences, hopefully they'll be ashamed if and when their real life friends find otu what they've been up to, or they may even get a taste of their own medicine one day and wise up tot he fact this sort of behaviour is not ok and people wont stand for it forever without fighting back.

Apologies for the long posty rant but it's really glad to see someone takign the other tack for a change and not just towing the 'ignore them' line.

Good on ya!

Inside Out said...

honestly, if you have something to say (about anything at all) i think you should go right ahead and say it. your words are powerful and if you use them to defend yourself and stand up for what you believe in then you're using that power for good. its better than what they are doing (using words to hurt others... cowards)

Sara Chergui said...

Beautiful post. I think you are so right. And I do believe that people are even worst on Youtube than on blogs. At least from my experience, I never had a mean comment on my blog, but they are everywhere on Youtube when you watch a video.

What gets me even more mad is that people call it "Freedom of Speech" and that is NOT ok. I remember having a dispute with someone who had a racist opinion and someone else said "that's the freedom of speech". NO. Racism, hate and other stupidities should NEVER be justified by the freedom of speech. It always gets me mad that people feel ok to be crual just because they can.

The reason why you have to let it go is that you cannot change society and you will just hurt yourself trying. If these people wanted to learn, they would listen first but they don't. I understand why you don't want to let it go ,that it's not ok, but at the end you have one life, don't waste it trying to teach bullies how to be intelligent and respectful.

Giveaway on the blog, get the bronze queen makeup look !

jessica rose said...

Modern technology seems to have bought out the worst in a lot of people.....they sit behind their computers....and type in nasty comments...that they wouldn't have the balls/guts to say to someone's face...At the end of the day if people are making nasty comments...it's because they are jealous...end of!! if you let people get to you and you let them know they have upset you.....it gives them power...because they have achieved what they set out to do.....never give that kind of power to anyone. ;)


Jessie-Ann Lewis said...

It's a shame that people act this way :(( but good on you for sticking up for the good 'uns in the blogging community! Likewise when I was on a night out the other day a boy said I was wearing too much make-up because I wouldn't kiss him hahaha. It's not the same as being trolled online but there are always gonna be these negative assholes out there. If it's any consolation I absolutely adore your blog and look on it every day. You are an inspiration to someone new to the blogging community like me :) xx


Jennifer.P said...

I think that this post is brillant! People shouldn't have the right to say mean things just like that! Some people are just mean to be mean and they hide behind their laptop screens. Those persons, in my opinion, are just coward, they wouldn't face you if they see you face to face, they just attack others using the easiest way possible. In my opinion, those people are just jealous of your success, and they should be ashame of themselve to be such nasty people! Well done for this post!


Anonymous said...

Aww I'm sorry people have sent mean comments to you :( You've not done a thing wrong and nowadays anything you do you will be accused of copying someone it sucks :(
But it's great to hear you are sticking up for yourself and not backing down and 'hiding'. Just ignore hateful comments, I've noticed that most bitching and hate arises from jealousy, I know its hard but a lot of time you should take it as a compliment :) You're great! Ignore the bitches if you can, they are just jealous :) xx

Rhiannon said...

I'm in total agreement with you! I think part of it is the British tradition of staying silent and just not rising to any of that, unlike in other cultures where you're taught to stand up for yourself. I can't believe people are saying such horrible things like that to you - I love your blog and Youtube, so don't stop with what you're doing! It's always the negative comments that stick out like a sore thumb, but there's a definite need of a change when it comes to approaching such things xxx

kayleeoutlaw said...

Love this! It is so true!

Helen Boswell said...

I just wanted to say a quick thank you, I really enjoyed reading this post. The best I have won in a long while xx

Pink Polka Dot & Popcorn

Julia Uttley said...

I love reading your blogs - they are entertaining and they're original. One thing you are, which your detractors definitely won't be - is brave. Well done you - keep blogging & being yourself!

Rhee Bee said...

Just wanna say that I only came across your blog today when voting for the Magazine award, and I voted for you cause you're the only REAL blogger out there. Fantastic blog, you have been added to my favourites and will be visiting regularly <3

Madeleine S-B said...

Wellllll, I the reason I follow your blog & subscribe to your channel is that I think you're really lovely, completely yourself, individual, not trying to copy anyone and are just doing your own thing, and doing really great work! It's such a shame that people feel the need to comment unkind things - that they would never probably do face to face because they'd actually have to deal with real life retaliation - just to upset someone for the sake of getting some weird thrill out of it. No one should have to just put up with it or be expected to 'shrug it off', especially if it's more than the odd comment every now and again (but obviously even that isn't excusable). I think more people should definitely take a stand against this kind of abuse because it's ridiculous - just because you don't see the consequences of your words when you type them online doesn't mean that there are none! I feel so bad that you're having to deal with this - I haven't received any online negativity (yet...) but I was bullied throughout school which included horrible things being said about they way I looked and behaved, and it just makes you feel terrible. I really really hope they quit it soon! If I see any of those comments I'll tell 'em what I think, haha xx


Claire S said...

It is so sad that people need to find someones insecurities and make them feel worse about it! We are so lucky as bloggers that the majority of people are supportive and welcoming. I thought you were truly brave writing about your mental health on what is such a public platform so don't listen to anyone no matter how much it hurts you shouldn't change who you are! I will continue to love your blog :) <3 Gisforgingers xx

Amy said...

This is such a well written post. It's nice to see a blogger bringing this issue up, as I'm sure it affects so many people online, yet as you said, most just shrug it off or keep it quiet. It's incredibly sad that people can just hide behind a screen and leave hurtful messages to someone they've never even met before.
Just remember you are beautiful and inspiring, and the amount of positive people reading your lovely blog will ALWAYS outweigh the negatives :)


cutiecameras.com said...

Great post! I don't understand how people can be so hurtful. Keep doing what you love and that is all that matters!

Alix M said...

Thank you so much for this post! I couldn't have put it better myself. As someone who's just getting into this whole online thing with my own youtube and blog, I've been lucky so far to have almost all lovely comments. I'm bracing myself for what's to come, but I wish it didn't have to be that way. I will never understand how people can be so hurtful and nasty! Bullying is never okay, whether that be in person or online.

Alix | www.alixintheclouds.blogspot.co.uk

Bella Rose said...

You're so right - I think it's much more important to teach people why 'trolling' is harmful and wrong and you SOULDN'T DO IT, rather than just writing it off as part of the internet and telling people their only option is to turn the other cheek.
I love that you're making people talk about this issue xxx

Grace Olivia said...

I think if you, I or any of us were to really try and justify why haters (gonna) hate - sorry, so had to add that in there ;) - it would be the most painfully boring task ever! Who knows why they do it! Jealousy? Boredom? A way of making themselves feel better about their awful and un-fun lives? Probably a mix of it all - AND then some! It's just stupid that it's gotten to this. I know the world (sadly) can't become a world of glitter, smiles and sprinkles - wouldn't it be cool if it could - but why others feel the need to have so much hatred is beyond me. I think the only real thing I have to say on the matter is if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's what our elders have aaaaaaalways taught us and there really is no need for negativity if all it is going to do is hurt someone :( You go girl - keep on keepin' on ;) Gx

Ashlynn B said...

I think you're 100% on point with this post. It's true that there are legit idiots out there who like to spend their time throwing around negativity. I don't understand how anyone could say any of those things to you. You're an amazing woman with a kind, sweet, and honest soul. When things like this happen, we shouldn't be expected to let it go. Even if doing something about it accomplishes nothing, it relieves us of the tension building up inside. So go on and say what you need to stand up for yourself, and I'll back you up all the way. :)

Angela said...

I like this take on negativity. I think it's good to come out and say that it does bother you but that you will still do your thing. This is how I feel too :). It's really hard to do, but the best thing is to realize how many good responses you get for those negatives (for example, all the lovely positive comments on this blog)--always makes me feel a bit better.

Nicola Robinson said...

Seeing too many posts like this coming up at the moment - I don't get why people are getting so bitchy.
Keep your chin up and keep the videos coming as I think your great :)


Collins Twins said...

Such an amazing post. Bullying is an awful thing and something needs to be done.


Brittany Messner said...

I hate it when people hide behind the internet...I mean, do you think they would say this kind of stuff to your face...in real life? Probably not.

Love you Megs ;)

Laura said...

Hi, I really agree with this post and I have actually just written one of a similar nature on my blog. If you're interested, it would be great if you could read it.

This is one thing that really ruins social media for me because I get SO angry and defensive on behalf of absolute strangers because of what somebody has said! I know everyone has an opinion, but we all have arseholes too (gross and please pardon my usage there!) but we don't go and parade those around!

So yeah! That's MY opinion haha :)

Mind > Matter

Anonymous said...

Hi! Love the way you're thinking so positively.... but I do think its really important to just be yourself, perhaps look up to other people but not to forget your own personality (reference to what you said about Zoella x )

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