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Monday, 3 November 2014

Learning to be Alone

A blog post on learning to be alone and how that doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely.

A blog post on learning to be alone and how that doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely.

A blog post on learning to be alone and how that doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely.
Dress: Sugarhill Boutique. Belt: Vintage. Hat: Urban Outfitters. Necklace: Azuni
Sometimes, now more often than not, I like to be alone.

There's an unspoken fear for a lot of us, that being alone means we are lonely. And just lately I am learning that perhaps that's not really the case. In fact, it definitely isn't. 

Learning to be alone and being truly okay with it is no easy feat - actually? It's a big fucking achievement.

My good friend Laura has taught me a lot, but one thing she said recently resonated with me.

"Megan, you already know how to do this. You're just looking for permission from others to do it".

Why do we seek permission?

For every idea, every fear, every choice, I look to others for the right to proceed, to go forth with what I think is right. Because if others think it's the right thing to do then it must be, mustn't it?

I've realised that actually, maybe, I should spend that time listening to myself.

The past two months have involved me filling every waking hour with something to do, socialising my butt off. I haven't wanted to be alone in my own company for fear that I wouldn't be able to cope with what that involved. Because that's what everyone tells you to do, isn't it? Keep busy.

We're all guilty - of seeking out others for comfort, for purpose. Everyone seems to think that in order to be successful in life we need a partner to succeed. Another half to complete the puzzle. And who can blame us? That's what everyone does, of course we want a slice of the pie!

No-one said it was easy: to go home and know there's no-one there to share your day with, to sleep alone, to be surrounded by silence. Which is probably why so many of us avoid it.
But I'm realising that I am capable. Why should it be a bad thing? To make time for the people we care about, but ultimately? Focus on number one.

Being alone doesn't mean we are lonely, it means we're making the most of the time we have, to be the best version of ourselves. Is it scary? Yes. But sometimes facing the darkness, fearlessly, can be the best gift we can give to ourselves. 

Because if we can be satisfied in our own company, we'll exceed others expectations, without even trying.

No-one is alone for always, but perhaps whilst we are, we can make the most of what we have the potential to be.

Photography by Alexandra Cameron.
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Lauren said...

Thanks Megs. I really needed to read this today <3

Tami B said...

This was beautiful, and so so true. I made the mistake of going back into something because I was afraid + it ended horribly. So you're totally right, and you're stronger than you think!! It's an eye opener isn't it :)

You look amazing btw! xxx

Flora Emay said...

Totally agree with you, and kudos for posting this!!
I've spent a lot of time in my own company recently, and it's only in the last few days (after a very long time of sadness) that I've started to feel this 'alone time' is an inherently good thing. However difficult it can be spending sooooo much time alone in our heads, our own skin, I think it allows us some space to connect with who were are and become a 'whole person' on our own. I like to think I'm becoming the sort of person I'd like to meet - which is what it's about, right? I actually posted something on my blog today about walking alone but reconnecting a bit with our inner childlike self (not as narcisstic as it sounds!), but spending time in the company or our truest-self is where my heads at the moment. And maybe yours, too?

Hope you're ok.


Trisarahtops said...

Firstly I love your dress. Secondly I'm a firm believer that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I've always been happy to be on my own, probably from being single more than I've been in relationships. My boyfriend has never been single for long so we tend to clash because I like my 'me time' and he likes to be together.
It sounds like you're doing great so keep it up.

Cristi said...

It might sound weird but I love being alone. A lot of it has to do of me being an introvert, so I feel very content on my own and never lonely. Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things! It’s nice that you're liking the idea of having time for yourself alone and feeling content of your own company. I think it's a great way of getting to know yourself without the judgments of others. Have a lovely day, Meg!

char said...

I really like my alone time. I've been under pressure for a while now to move in with the OH and I really don't want to. I like my own space too much and the chance to just be alone.

Mimmi said...

Great post. I've always loved spending time by myself. My whole family consists of lone wolfs, so I guess I get it from my parents. I think it's all a matter of balance. If I haven't seen anyone in ages, I'll feel lonely, but most of the time there's something really relaxing and comfortable about just being with yourself.
Gorgeous photos, by the way! You look beautiful.

xx Mimmi, Muted Mornings

Adeola said...

I absolutely love this! This has confirmed everything for me.

Adeola said...

Your hat is gorgeous! x

Elizabeth Rebecca said...

Great post - being alone is often harder than being with others but I love quiet time when I can just read, watch YouTube and relax.

Lizzie's Daily Blog

Nora Gouma said...

I'm in love with everything here: the hair, the hat, styling, nature, photographer...great job!!

XXO Nora


Amy said...

This was such a wonderful read, and one that I really felt like I could connect and relate completely to. As someone who suffers from crippling anxiety at the best of times, I'm always questioned why I deal with this better on my own, and I always tell them that for me it's more of an achievement if I feel like I can deal with it by myself and not feel like it's out of my hands. Spending time on my own is one of my favourite things to do, as it helps me centralise what I like and dislike and how I can tackle my own issues - which importantly is the main thing. I've always been one to focus on others instead of myself, but in recent weeks learnt that it's just as important to feel comfortable spending time with yourself, knowing what's best for you and not feeling like you need someone there to lean back on. It's tough, but incredibly rewarding and empowering. So go you!
I hope all is well : )

Amy at The Girl in the Bowler Hat

That Brooklynn Paige said...

Totally, I am alone most of the time, and I enjoy it just as much as I enjoy being in others' company. My father makes comments all the time like, "you are always by yourself!" and "don't you want to go out and do things?" But I really enjoy just being alone, reading and feeling happy. Great post!

Brooklynn | That Brooklynn Paige

chrizzia binas said...

i love the photography and i love the writing. aaahh such an inspiration <3

Eilidh said...

awh lovely post! love this outfit

Eilidh from Velvet-Winter

Ally Gong said...

Love this post--you look beautiful. I also really enjoyed your thoughts on seeking company and how its important to be okay with being in our own company. I actually enjoy being alone most of the time, but I guess there are certain situations where it seems uncomfortable to not be mingling when everyone else seems to be up and about!
-Ally Gong

Adele Miner said...

The photos are gorgeous but yeah I completely agree, I am however constantly torn between wanting to spend time alone and when I do feeling lonely and wanting to be with other people x

Emma said...

I love these photos! And yes, it can be hard being alone but sometimes its lovely to have some you time, to be left to your own thoughts and spend time on yourself and no one else.

Emma | frillsanddoodads.com

Tessa said...

This is a fantastic post - it can be really hard learning to be by yourself when you're used to having another person to come home to, but you really learn a lot about yourself in your own company.

Tessa / Bramble & Thorn

Laura Hooper said...

Love this post and the outfit; I totally agree. Sometimes we spend so much time being caught up with others, being busy and looking for confirmation from those around, that sometimes we miss taking a moment to ourselves, to discover our minds and to relax.

Dandy Girl x

Keeley said...

So utterly true. I split up with my boyfriend of 5 years 12 months ago and people constantly ask if I am seeing anyone else. The answer is no and do you know why? Because I'm enjoying being me, the time I have to do what I want when I want and he will fit into that when I am ready. Good luck to you. x


Suzanna Taylor said...

I really like this post. I think that my situation is a bit different to yours but my boyfriend and I live pretty far from each other and pretty much always have and in some ways it suits me because I like to spend a lot of time on my own. I like to go shopping and eat and go to museums on my own and I think a lot of people find that weird or feel a bit sorry for me but I really do like it. I wouldn't mind spending a whole week alone but I feel as though I should go for coffee or to the pub with people. I wonder why that is.

macinmybackpack.blogspot.com xx

Malu Swartjes said...

Gorgeous look dear!
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Melissa Grace said...

I don't know why we seek permission from others, but it's something that I'm trying to overcome. I really needed these words today, so thank you! xx


Ellen Bourne said...

This is a beautiful message (and a stunning photoset!) being alone is totally ok & really empowering. I recently wrote in my journal, 'they say 1 is the loneliest number, but I dare you to find a number more empowering.'

xxx Ellen


Vanessa A said...

This was a great post! And something I needed at the moment!

Xo, Vanessa (Delightful Sunflower)

Jenny Chat said...

That green is absolutely kill in' it with your beautiful hair...making we wanna reach for the dye again! Relaxing is difficult when real life gets in the way right 😳 curiousaliceloves.wordpress.com

rae t said...

Lovely post and beautiful photography. I think being alone is also just something we personally find scary. I think it's oftentimes less that we are seeking permission from others but seeking permission from ourselves.

rae of love from berlin

Kat Marie said...

In the end all you really have is yourself. Well said.

Lots of Love!

Izzy said...

I love the photos, and definitely agree, time alone is necessary I think and it definitely doesn't mean you're lonely. People need time to be comfortable with themselves and, a you said, listen to themselves <3
The Quirky Queer

Karen Shannon said...

I love the dress! Goes perfectly with your hair color. And the photos are amazing! Great post Meg.
Karen @ www.officiallookbookstore.blogspot.com

Maisy Meow said...

Love this! So true xxx

Maisy Meow | Fashion Blog | Perfume Giveaway

Emma Reay said...

Very wise words Megs, chin up, being alone is sometimes better :)

Emma at www.collagemepretty.blogspot.co.uk

Alex Johnson said...

So true! I always use to think that enjoying my own company was wrong when I was younger, that I needed to always be out with people socializing. It made me be afraid of "ending up alone," but now that I've grown and learned to trust myself more, I realize that I am my best company and its okay to be comfortable alone; hell, its good for you. Sure, I get lonely some times, like everyone else, but I've learned to appreciate who I am, my own personal time, and the growth that has come from it. This wasn't the easiest after my most recent breakup after being together for so long and now having to get used to the idea of being just me again, but it comes with time.

Lisa @ The Creative Canvass said...

Gorgeous post. Being alone or just enjoying your own company is one of the best things you can do for yourself. At the end of the day we answer to ourselves, we have to be happy with ourselves, and we can't rely on others to do it for us. Enjoy the time and get to do everything that you want and everything that makes you happy.

ThisGirlLovesChic said...

stunning photos

This Girl Loves Chic 

Facebook : ThisGirlLovesChic 


Emzi said...

Awesome post :D

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