Wow. Writing that down suddenly makes this all feel very real.
It's safe to say that 2014 and the beginning of 2015 have seen me face more challenges than I've ever had to before.
I was feeling defeated, insecure and completely worthless. For a long time it felt like I'd feel that way forever, that there was no coming out of the dark little pit I'd fallen head first into.
But I decided on March 4th that enough was enough. Breaking up with my long term boyfriend after 7 years and moving back in with my parents hit me with the sudden realisation that the rest of my future was purely in my hands. What did I want to do? Who did I want to be? I got so comfortable just 'being' that I'd forgotten I could do whatever I god damn wanted to. This whole situation gave me the kick up the ass that I so badly needed.
And well, what I want to do is blog. I want to share all the things I care about, with you. I want to make videos. I want to wake up every morning feeling passionate about what I get to do for a living.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I'm saying yes to myself. I'm leaving my 9-5 office job for the big, scary world of blogging.
It feels like the both the hardest and easiest decision I'll ever make. But boy do I feel ready.
'How the hell are you managing that girl!?' I imagine, is what is going through your head. Well, when I moved back in with my parents, it meant I no longer had a whole house to pay for, bills to cover and a weekly shop for two to buy. It meant that in the lead up to me handing my notice in at work, I could save my little tushy off, to ensure that I had a comfort blanket when the time came to go it alone.
I'm very fortunate that I have the most incredibly, wonderful, supportive family that don't mind me taking the rest of the year to 'just see'. That they're just as excited as I am fills me with hope, because they believe in me and that means more than anything.
It's the first time in forever that I've felt so truly passionate about something. My blog has opened up doors I couldn't ever have imagined existed. From working with some of my favourite fashion brands in the world to making some of the best friends I'll ever have. I feel like I'm actually good at something, like I sort of matter, a bit. And honestly, I don't feel you can put a price on that.
I wanted to share this with you for two reasons, one because I want to share all the happy things with you but mainly, two:
You can do whatever you want to do, too.
This time last year I would've laughed in your face if you'd asked me if this would be possible for me. But I've worked hard, I've been brave and I've taken a chance. I know not everyone's circumstances are the same and everyone has their reasons for saying 'I can't do it' - but see the reality in that statement. What you're saying is you can't. Because it's you holding you back. Do what you have to, to make the life you want, because it's worth it and you are good enough.
I've spent so long living for the sake of making others happy. Working to pay the bills rather than embracing the journey I'm on. And now it's time for a little self-love, to experience some more of the world and see what happens.
Of course I still want to make people happy. But god knows I'll do a better job of it if I've got a smile on my face too.
For me, today is most certainly the right day to finally start living the life I've always wanted.
Next stop? America.
“I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”
― Thomas Jefferson
― Thomas Jefferson