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Thursday, 9 July 2015

AM I GOOD ENOUGH?



Am I good enough?


Is a question I’m asking myself daily at the moment.

I woke up this morning and anxiety hit me like a wave, pulling me under with what felt like water churning so fast I couldn’t find the strength to battle to the surface for air.

I haven’t experienced an anxiety attacked since February – because I actively made big changes in my life to make sure I could breathe again: I’ve fallen in love, I’ve made new friends - life is really, really good. The best, actually.

I’ve also made the decision to quit my job and go to America. And when I’m back my job will be my blog.

And it’s like today I’ve realised how scary as shit that really is.

I have seriously amazing opportunities on the horizon and everything to be excited about but all I can think is ‘am I making a mistake?’. Taking a leap of faith to rely on you to do you the best way you can is a much bigger deal than I first gave myself credit for.

Everyone has said things like ‘I wish I was as brave as you’ but I’ve not felt I’m being brave at all. Because the truth is, deep down, I really don’t feel like I’ve got my shit together – at all.

I’m taking chances.

Playing with fire and praying I don’t get burned.

I’m worried that I won’t be good enough for the opportunities I’m lucky enough to get.
I’m worried I’ll let my family down when they believe in me so much.
I’m worried I’d be better at a 9-5 office job and that maybe I’m not cut out for the pressure.

But then, if I never try I’ll never know.

I guess the reason I’m writing this is to reaffirm with myself, and you, that it’s okay to freak out a bit. It’s okay to be unsure, fear the unknown, doubt yourself. That’s normal, isn’t it?

I think so.

Today, Laura reiterated a quote she once heard to me:

                         ‘The road to success is paved with corpses… And they’re all suicides’.

And I know I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be a stepping stone for some else’s success. I don’t want to give up.

This might be a bump in the road, but if this last year has taught me anything it’s that I’m capable of trying.

Sometimes trying is the best we can do.
A blog post about anxiety, the worry that you’re not good enough and trying regardless.
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18 comments:

John said...

Two points from me:

1) So what if you "fail"? You only fail if you don't learn and grow from your experience. The experience you'll never get if you don't press on with your plans (I happened to read this, this morning: http://www.businessinsider.com/what-i-would-tell-my-20-year-old-self-2015-7?IR=T)

2) As J K Rowling said - “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.”

A bonus 3rd point

3) :)

laura said...

I think you're brave and a total inspiration x

Rosie alittlelusciousness said...

The only way to find out if this path is right for you is to try it. You're not a failure if it doesn't work as you imagine, and you change your mind - they're all just bends in the road!!

Rosie xx

THEFASHION-JUNKIE ♥ said...

I agree 100%! If you don't try you'll never know. I think it's sensible to be a little anxious about what the future may hold as it's a massive transformation but I think it's a great one :) Good luck! You'll be fine Xx

THEFASHION-JUNKIE

Trudy Johanna said...

This is such an important post and I agree with all the points you raised x
Trudy Johanna | UK Lifestyle Blog

Lindsey Holland said...

Megs, you're an incredible soul! and so brave for doing what makes you happy. It's going to be a big change and probably pretty daunting but I bet you don't look back. It'll suit you down to the ground lady.

I'm sure you already know these little tips for stopping anxiety in it's tracks but.....
Camomile tea
Recuse Remedy by Bachs at Boots

Lots of love and you go get 'em girl!

Linds xx
Ropesofholland.com

wolvesandflames said...

You are definitely doing the right thing traveling and following your dreams!
I reccomend reading Hero by Rhonda Byrne, it speaks about finding your dream career and it's so inspiring!
I'm excited to see your adventures!
Melissa x

WolvesandFlames

Tessa said...

This is such an insightful and inspiring post and is also exactly what I needed to read right now. I definitely relate to what you're saying here and wish you the best of luck with whatever direction you choose!

Tessa at Bramble & Thorn

Amanda H said...

I honestly believe it's so important to follow your dreams and grasp every opportunity you have. We never know what is around the corner so make the most of every minute! Wishing you all the best x

Amanda / Amanda's Escape

Elizabeth Rebecca said...

If you fail what's the worst that could happen? You can always pick yourself up and move forwards.

Lizzie Dripping

elzbthchlmrspps said...

keep fighting those feelings of anxiety, you sound like you have such an amazing experience and time in your life lined and it doesn't matter if you 'fail' you know you've had that amazing experience and hopefully time whilst doing it all and you've tried the best you can and that's all anyone can do! Enjoy what you're about to experience

Emyii Rankin said...

I feel like this every second of the day and i cant stop, its a pain.

emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

Maja said...

Great post! You are very brave to follow your dreams like that - it is amazing! :)
x M. / http://nevermindnm.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

You are very brave to follow your dreams like that! Great post.

M. / http://nevermindnm.blogspot.com/

Lucy said...

Yes you are totally good enough, and I also think you're incredibly brave for the decision you've made, even if you don't feel it! I have these moments of crippling self doubt too, it's human, but you'll be fine :)

Lucy x- Yellowicing

Rhiannon Pulling said...

Love this post. I made the decision to not go to uni and try something different, which has worked out for the best. But I always wonder what would've happened if I had decided to go... x

Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Brittany Messner said...

My husband and I both made the decision to quit our day jobs in the Spring to pursue what we are really passionate about (him - writing, me - blogging). And let me tell you, you and I have a lot of the same fears! Part of me feels like I'm not "there" yet and the other part is saying "if not now, then when?". I completely relate to the down right anxiety-inducing fact that there is no steady pay check when you essentially go freelance. But the amazing part is the freedom you acquire when choosing to do so. Sure, we know have to actually budget our months and maybe we can't spend as much as we like to, but we also get to make our own rules and do what we love. My favourite part is getting to take breaks whenever we want, which usually means an hour long walk to the grocery store in which we talk to each other about our projects so we can get all our thoughts out in the open and sort of think out loud. There is no way that could ever happen with a 9-5 job! And the thing is, worst case scenario is that we end up having to get part time jobs. Not a big deal. Anyway, sorry for the babbling! What I mean to say is that I'm VERY excited for you to take this next step and that I can totally relate to what you're going through with your emotions right now, but I have no don't that you will do great things with your newfound freedom! Lots of love :) xx

Ashleigh S said...

There is not a successful person who hasn't failed once in their life. But I understand the anxiety, I suffer from the bouts of it myself. But try and remember all the great in your life, don't miss the joy of the journey looking at the finish line. Also, where are you coming to in America?
Wishing you the best,
Ashleigh | Mermaid on the Move

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