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Thursday, 10 March 2016


Life is a constant experience, and those experiences shape us as people, every day. 

And just this last week I realised something new about my journey.

That being so badly hurt, when I'd placed all my trust in someone, has lead me from being quite the pushover, to a bit of a tough cookie.

I have a soft side, don't get me wrong. I'm a bit like a jammy dodger - hard on the outside and gooey in the middle. I still care. I still feel. I still love. I just do it in a much more logical way. 

Gone are the days of me squashing my personality to fit someone else's mould. I know what I'm capable of, I know what I can compromise and I know what I can't. But I've realised that it's so easy to let yourself fall back in to that place, the place where you feel if you say what you want or need you'll be penalised - and that maybe it would be better to just keep quiet and carry on dissatisfied than facing your thoughts head on. But every time I feel myself slip, I get back up and keep pushing on. 

Sometimes I worry, I worry that makes me seem like I lack compassion, empathy. But deep down, I know I don't. I think we're constantly convincing ourselves, albeit subconsciously, that we don't deserve to be happy and so we suppress feelings to compensate that.

'Oh I could never be brave enough to do, or say that' is something I hear time and time again. And I was always the person that couldn't either. Like it was the scariest thing in the world to own my opinions, my feelings. Until I made a promise to myself that I would and that I wouldn't look back.

Because for me, honesty is the best policy. I never want to hurt anyone, let anyone down, and so with that I have to keep in mind that what I want or need to be happy is important too. Actually, it's imperative to a successful relationship - be-it with my partner, my best friend or my family. How can I make someone else happy, if I can't even be honest of what I can put in to that relationship? How can I make someone else happy if I can't even be honest about who I really am?

It's not been easy, to let my word vomit blurt out rather than biting my tongue. And I don't mean I've become brash and overly outspoken, I just mean that when a feeling arises, I face it. I'm truthful. And you know what? That seems to be working out okay.

Being fearful of being yourself doesn't feel like the best life to me. And that's what I want to strive for, the best life. Because we only get one and it would be such a shame to waste it on not being who you're meant to be.

If you're reading this and thinking 'THAT'S ME! I DO THAT!', know that it's probably not all you. There may have been people who contributed to you not feeling like you could step up to be yourself. But ultimately, the decision is always with us. To break away from any other mould than the one that fits you just right. There's still room for others to snuggle on in and keep you company, but it's your mould - not theirs.

Because if I'm totally honest with myself, I love this version of me way more than the squashed version I was before. And I know that it makes everyone else that cares about me happier, too. And I know that 'cause they tell me so.

In short, I choose me. I'm choosing me. Choosing to acknowledge what makes me happy and letting everyone who matters know that too.

Because it's okay to want that. It's okay to want to be happy.

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Photography by Alex Wallace



Sophie Ruffell said...

Great post! Loving the outfit! Such a strong words, definitely everyone needs to be themselves. Being a jammy dodger sounds good, I can be a bit of a push over sometimes :)


Megan Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Megan Ellaby said...

Beautiful post Megs and my gosh these photos are incredible! x

Holl JC said...

Looking stunning as always Megan!
Thank you for your honesty in this post too girl, these are definitely the kind of words I need to hear at the moment x


Trudy Johanna said...

This is such a wonderful post Megs! It has such a good message x
Trudy | TrudyJohanna

Anika H said...

Lovely post, your writing style is just amazing!

Anika | anikamay.co.uk

Laura Jane said...

I completely agree with what you say, you have to be true and honest with yourself!

Loving your outfit, such a cool look and your photos are fantastic.

Thanks for sharing!


Unknown said...

This is an awesome post Megs! I love it!!

Millie Nicole said...

Amazing words and so relatable! This is something I've been really trying to improve on recently!

Millie x | Millie’s Wardrobe

Maryam Sofia said...

SO MUCH YES TO THIS POST! I BLOODY LOVE IT!! And you look stunning! xo

Abigail Alice said...

Great post & beautiful words. i was the same, it took being taking advantage of and being too trusting for me to toughen up which has made me a much less vulnerable person but I'm definitely still a softie at heart it just takes a little longer for people to get to that now!

Abigail Alice x | Latest The Best Nude Liquid Lipsticks!

Sara Chergui said...

These photos are so gorgeous !
I pretty have the same journey, being a push over from who I am now. People most of the time see me as tough but I am terrified of hurting people's feelings by being myself. I always think twice after I spoke my mind "wait was I right to stand for myself ? Maybe I came up too strong. Maybe they're not gonna like it". It's hard work :)


nonnapuffo said...

I really like this look perfect in every detail
I love your style and your blog.
Visit mine if you want
many kisses

Lauren Maria said...

go you! I love that you have turned such a negative into a positive, your awesome chick!

livinginaboxx | bloglovin

Ashley Christabelle said...

So inspiring. Absolutely love this post. x


walkingthepathtohappiness.com said...

Your post really touched me. This is the story of my life. I'm still working on becoming this strong person I desire to be, I still bite my tongue rather than actually speaking up, but I am working on those things. I know changes sometimes happen in small steps and this can be frustrating sometimes. But your post motivates me to keep pushing until I reach the place where I can just be fully myself. Thank you for the inspiration.
Love, Tamee

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