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Thursday, 11 August 2016

HEAVY.

A blog post on being an overly hormonal woman in her twenties.
 As the end of the first week, of each month, draws to a close, I feel the heaviness approaching. It’s a weird time to be a woman - when a period is due. I find myself feeling every emotion possible and no-one can reason with me that ‘it’s just that time of the month, it’ll pass’. 

The way I feel, it’s still real, isn’t it? 

That’s what I’ve been sat here thinking for the past few hours. That these feelings brewing, bubbling, erupting, they’re not totally made up. Are they? 

This month, right now in-fact, I’m feeling alone. More isolated than I’ve felt in years, when oddly I’m surrounded by more people than ever. I feel like I couldn’t possibly be loved, that everyone has a secret task to catch me out, trip me up, make me look a fool - nobody likes me and I couldn’t feel less important. 

It’s about the only time I’m ever close to being called a bit ‘crazy’ - because my hormones are wreaking havoc and ‘it’s just not me’.

When actually, I think it is. 

I’ve started to take note of these heightened emotions, digest them and take stock of what they might really mean. I know that being a little more sensitive just goes hand in hand with that time, but since coming off the contraceptive pill earlier this year after ten years of taking it, I feel like I’m seeing myself more clearly. 

I’m learning that when this time comes around, I need to take break. Perhaps it is coincidental that everything is going wrong at once, but perhaps I shouldn't let it. If I know I find it difficult to cope in those few weeks, well then maybe I should just do less. Give myself time and not overcomplicate something I already find tricky to manage. That’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of knowing.

I'm scheduling work so that those weeks are freed up. I'm not putting too much in the diary. I’m writing down the particular emotions that stand out to me and seeing how they relate back to when I’m feeling more ‘normal’, if they’re as poignant or if I’m simply sprinkling them with extra sadness when my mind lets me.

The older I get, the more I realise it’s unhealthy to bury bad feelings. To pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. I don’t want to feel afraid to be sad, or question things that don’t seem right just because it might upset the apple cart or distort a happier view people may have of me or my life. 

Sometimes I struggle to make sense of my life -  and sometimes I think it's important to pay a little more attention to where our mind lets us wander when that dreaded time is looming. 

No-one wants to feel sad, or alone, or worthless. But perhaps if we take note of why we're feeling the way we are, we might just learn something about ourselves.

A blog post on being an overly hormonal woman in her twenties.

A blog post on being an overly hormonal woman in her twenties.




Photography by the wonderful Alexandra Cameron

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15 comments:

robyn stevens said...

Always be true to your emotions, bottles are not where they should be kept. Stuffing them all in will only cause an explosion.

- yellowplum

Paige Calvert said...

What a beautiful soul. I feel the same though, and i hate it when people around me say 'oh your just on your period' it's really insulting that just because my emotions seem stronger that they aren't valid or real, when in matter of fact they are, but they may just need a bit more thinking through. Very lovely read babe and a topic not many speak about to openly. xxxx

My Blog / Paige Joanna

Ksenia H said...

Thank you for writing this. It's so valuable for anyone else going through the same to know they're not alone.

Often, we look at others and think how well they're doing; how they're so successful, they have all their sh*t together.

It's so easy to forget that you can't see below the surface sometimes, not at all. Thank you for taking the time and the effort to make it visible and thank you for sharing how you're trying to figure a way through. It's a help to so many people.

www.thelifedegree.com

Eleonora Micallef said...

I can definitely relate to this post! It feels nice to know you're not the only one who feels like this. Same as you I came with the idea of writing down the way I am feeling and on which day of my cycle I am so I can create a pattern. Like you said no one wants to feel sad or alone so getting to know ourselves and adapting our lives makes everything better 😀 thanks for being real in your posts x

Ashley Christabelle said...

Beautifully written post, Megan! At the moment, I'm in a state of life where confusion and doubt seems to revolve around my life. Which sucks. Which also, sadly, leads me to dread and sadness deep inside of me. Doesn't help either that 'that time of the month' is approaching soon, I'm just going ballistic with my emotions all over the place! And yes, I do feel lonely as well. Because I feel right now, I'm making decisions for my life that are frowned upon and I have no one by my side to cheer me on. I hope you'll feel better, know that you're not alone in this one. :)

www.ashrealasitgets.blogspot.com

Hayley Rubery said...

Oh lady, this is something that I can SO relate to! I find myself feeling really low and crying for no reason, and sometimes no matter who you're surrounded with or what people do sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. I love the honesty in your posts, as always, and I also love you! Can't wait to see you soon my love! xx

Abi Pursey said...

This is such a beautiful post Megs. I can definitely relate to how you feel and I think it's a really good idea to write it all down! Hope you're okay! Abi | RamblingsofaBlonde

Georgina Walsh said...

Love this post, and the perspective you've taken here. The pictures are absolutely breath-taking as well!

she dreams

Sara Chergui said...

These photos are incredible !

Sara
www.thecrimeofashion.com

Lauren Britton Loves said...

This is lovely Megs - I don't get sad around my time (more irritated so try to keep clear of decisions haha) but I do have a lot of feelings about being liked and supported; even in a community that is meant to support, I do feel like I'm passed over and not a lot of people recognise the effort I put in for things. I've got better at focusing on making me happy in my achievements and not looking to others, but it still makes me...disappointed I guess. But that's all part of getting older, identifying and learning.

Lauren x
Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

Marmalade said...

Seriously stunning photos, love these

Mel x

http://www.mediamarmalade.com

Elizabeth Rebecca said...

Love this post and love the gorgeous pictures.

http://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/

Isabelle Hardy said...

You are amazing! It is so so important to talk about these issues and I am so glad you do. I hope you are feeling better now hun - I can imagine coming off the pill after ten years does havoc for your emotions and I am sure it will improve <3
P.S These photos are just breathtaking!

www.fashionetmoi.com

Kimbo said...

Thank You so much, for writing this beautiful piece,of reality .

I feel this way quite often,menstrual cycle or not.

You worded this piece,perfectly.

Thank You,Again

Lisette Henry said...

You and Alex are such a beautiful duo - you create beautiful, inspiring and heartfelt content. Hormones are a fucker but they only amplify buried feelings - you've inspired me to think a bit more about the root cause xx

http://www.spokeandco.co.uk/

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